Performative Culture Is Not Connection: Why Workplace Relationships Still Matter (Even in a Digital World)

🎭 Manipulation Masquerading as Engagement

In a world of Zoom calls, Slack pings, and digital dashboards, it’s easy to think that connection at work is happening all the time. We’re visible. We’re responsive. We’re showing up. But here’s the question: are we truly connecting—or just performing?

Across LinkedIn, podcasts, and workplace forums, a common thread has emerged: many people are experiencing a rise in behaviors that look like collaboration, but feel more like manipulation. It’s the kind of “engagement” that leaves everyone wondering: what are we even doing here?

Workplace culture isn’t just a poster on a wall or a slide in a leadership deck. It’s how people treat each other. It’s built moment by moment, in the small interactions and the silent choices. When we talk about culture, we’re really talking about relationships - trust, respect, and connection.

In healthy workplaces, people feel safe to speak up. They know their time and talent are respected. They trust that feedback is real, recognition is earned, and leadership is listening.

But in many workplaces today, culture is being quietly eroded—not by policies or perks, but by subtle patterns of manipulation.

Workplace Culture Is Human Culture

Here are some stories you may have heard - or lived:

• A colleague books meetings they don’t really need, just to appear “collaborative.”

• Someone pretends not to understand something, repeatedly, so others will do the work for them.

• A leader praises an employee publicly, then quietly takes credit for their work and future progress with the foundation already laid.

These aren’t isolated events. They’re becoming normalized patterns in many workplaces.

And the cost? Emotional fatigue. Burnout. Distrust. Disengagement.

Research shows that when people feel manipulated and not valued, in any capacity, they shut down. They stop sharing. They stop believing in the system. And they start to question their own worth.

The Psychology Behind the Disconnect

Dr. Amy Edmondson calls it psychological safety—the belief that you can show up fully at work without fear of being punished or humiliated. But manipulation, even subtle, breaks that safety.

It also violates what researchers call the psychological contract: the unspoken expectations between employers and employees. When promises are made and never fulfilled, when effort is overlooked or stolen, the breach isn’t just professional—it’s personal.

People begin to experience imposter syndrome, isolation, or worse—they start to believe that their only path to success is to play the same manipulative games they once resented.

Can AI Help Us Do Better?

Strangely enough, technology may be part of the solution—if we use it ethically.

AI can help track contributions, give visibility to unseen work, and remove bias from performance reviews and project assignments. It can ensure that people who quietly build and lead behind the scenes are not left invisible.

But AI can’t fix a broken culture. It must be used with integrity—not as surveillance, not to micromanage, and definitely not to automate manipulation.

What Ethical Leadership Looks Like

Leadership is not about having the answers—it’s about creating a culture where people are safe enough to ask the right questions. Real leaders:

• Communicate clearly, even when the answer is “not yet.”

• Publicly give credit where it’s due.

• Build relationships that aren’t transactional.

• Create systems that value people over appearances.

The goal isn’t to perform connection—it’s to practice it. Day by day. Honestly. Respectfully. Transparently.

Human Skills Are the Future of Work

The future of work isn’t just about AI, automation, or the metaverse. It’s about how we treat each other. It’s about whether we can build environments where people feel trusted, seen, and safe to grow.

Let’s stop confusing manipulation for collaboration.
Let’s stop mistaking visibility for value.

And let’s start creating cultures—remote, hybrid, or in-person—where connection is real, and people can thrive.

“The way we build trust is by doing what we say we’re going to do.” ~Brené Brown

“Culture is not the most important thing - it’s the only thing.” ~Lou Gerstner, former CEO of IBM

"Psychological safety is not about being nice. It’s about giving candid feedback, openly admitting mistakes, and learning from each other." ~ Dr. Amy Edmondson

"People don’t leave jobs - they leave toxic cultures." ~ Dr. Donald Sull, MIT Sloan Management Review

"You can’t innovate without honest conversations. And you can’t have honest conversations without trust." ~ Simon Sinek

Resources & Further Reading:

1. Amy Edmondson on Psychological Safety
   👉 TEDx Talk: “Building a Psychologically Safe Workplace”
   👉 Harvard Business Review: “What Is Psychological Safety?”

2. Gallup Workplace Culture Studies
   👉 Gallup: “State of the Global Workplace Report”

3. Harvard Business Review
   👉 HBR: “Stop Wasting Your Employees’ Time”

4. Cathy O’Neil – Weapons of Math Destruction
   👉 BookShop.org

5. Lou Gerstner on Culture - Who Says Elephants Can’t Dance?
   👉 BookShop.org

6. Brené Brown on Trust & Vulnerability
   👉 The Anatomy of Trust – YouTube